


Somehow We're Happy

by rudesunyoung



Series: Watch Me, Watch Us [4]
Category: BLACKPINK (Band)
Genre: Domestic, F/F, Fluff, Hurt/Comfort, Mentions of homophobia, Romance, Slice of Life, Youtube AU, vlogger jennie
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-02
Updated: 2018-09-02
Packaged: 2019-07-05 16:56:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 9,385
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15867825
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rudesunyoung/pseuds/rudesunyoung
Summary: Jennie gives birth to a beautiful baby girl and although this should be a joyous moment for both women, the emotional turmoil of Jennie's parents coming to see her; force them to revisit painful memories and confront the problems that almost ruined their relationship.





	Somehow We're Happy

Lisa chews on her bottom lip, staring at the different assortment of snacks in the vending machine before she digs in her pocket, pulling out a few coins to put into the machine. She punches in the code for a pack of mini Oreos and cradles the water bottle underneath her arm as she reaches down to pull it out from the bottom compartment. 

The hospital buzzes quietly with noise, nurses walking back and forth, answering the machines at the desk, and pushing hospital beds with patients on them as doctors walk behind them. Lisa takes her time, studying the designs along the walls, the digital clock at the end of the wall with the numbers 3:37 flashing in blue, and the security guard that walks up and down the hall monitoring. 

When she makes it back to the room, she pushes the door open slowly, the light from the hallway pouring in before she closes it just as softly. The curtains are drawn, the TV playing a horror movie that Lisa had changed just before she stepped out but Jennie must have turned it back. Lisa resists the urge to roll her eyes and instead makes her way over to the bed, pulling the chair out before she takes a seat. 

“Hey,” Jennie murmurs quietly. She relaxes back against the pillow, sweat matting her hair to her forehead and Lisa takes the water bottle, pressing it to her skin as she sighs at the coolness. 

After a few quick presses, Lisa grabs the cup of ice chips on the desk, taking some out and feeding it to Jennie, her lips slightly chapped as they brush against her fingers. 

“You want some water?”

Lisa had been letting her take small sips every thirty minutes in order to keep her hydrated, although the anesthesiologist had assured them that with the epidural, Jennie would be administered with an IV bag in order to keep her hydrated but still Lisa just wanted to be sure. “I’m good,” she shakes her head and yawns into her fist. 

Lisa adjusted the blankets around her, making sure not to knock the monitors off of her stomach or the tubes connected to her arms. She sat back down and ripped open the small package, popping one into her mouth and chewing on it as they both stared at the TV. 

About thirty minutes into the movie, their doctor came to check on Jennie, monitoring her heart rate and blood pressure, then checking how far along she was dilated before writing a few things down and leaving with a small smile. 

“I want her out,” Jennie sighed, rubbing her stomach in small circles. She winced, trying to shift a little on the bed and Lisa immediately frowned, moving to help her so she wouldn’t be in pain. 

“I know, I know. I want her out too but we have to wait until she’s ready, babe.”

They had been in the hospital for a little over three hours already so Lisa couldn’t even begin to imagine how uncomfortable Jennie must have felt. She had only woken up at Jennie’s insistent shaking at her shoulder, telling her that her water had broke when she got up to use the bathroom. Lisa had thought that she was dreaming, only staring at the older girl in confusion with sleep still clouding her vision, until Jennie had whined and pushed at her again until it all clicked in. 

__

_Her water broke._

__

_Her water broke just now. Her water broke and they needed to go to the hospital. They needed to go because their daughter was coming today._

After coming to that realization, Lisa had helped Jennie out of bed, getting her dressed in some sweats and a loose sleep shirt before she took her to the car and had her wait so she could grab the baby bag, the keys, and Jennie’s purse. 

When they had arrived at the hospital after checking in, their obstetrician, a small woman with pink checkered socks and a warm smile, Dr.Sun, had checked how far along Jennie was and to their disappointment and her amusement, she was only at five centimeters so they had to wait a little bit longer.

She hadn’t told Jennie, but Lisa had been nervous since the drive to the hospital. She didn’t want to worry her wife so she kept it to herself, stepping out of the room in order to use the bathroom only to pace outside the room. Their doctor had told them that everything was going to be fine, that Jennie and the baby were both healthy but  
Lisa still couldn’t help but worry- worry that something would go wrong, worry that one of them would get hurt. She pushed those thoughts far far away to the back of her mind, refusing to think about it, and instead, help Jennie be more comfortable, talk to her, or just watch TV with her. 

She licked her lips, taking another Oreo out before eating it and she stopped mid-bite as Jennie stared at her, a frown on her face that looked so cute she couldn’t help but laugh. 

“What is it? Are you hurting?”

“No,” she whined. “But I want one,” she said and opened her mouth. 

Lisa laughed again, moving the water bottle from her lap and leaning forward to kiss her, the crumbs getting on the front of her hospital gown. 

“Meanie” the older girl pouted and Lisa kissed that away too, pecking her until she finally responded back. 

“You can’t eat anything, remember?”

“I know,” she sighed and she looked so pitiful that Lisa had to literally stop herself from just handing over the entire bag of Oreos. No, she couldn’t. She had to listen to the doctor, they both had to. For the sake of the baby. 

“For the baby,” she murmured. “And you. Then I’ll take you to McDonald’s and you can have whatever you want.”

“Whatever I want?” she raised her eyebrow. 

“Whatever you want.”

“Want chicken nuggets and french fries and an ice cream,” Jennie mumbled. “With sprinkles and nuts on it too.”

Lisa chuckled, leaning forward to kiss her again before she sat back down. “Okay, I’ll remember that.”

“You better,” she narrowed her eyes at her. Lisa snorted, rolling her eyes and preparing a comeback but before she could say anything, Jennie was yawning again, turning her head towards the window as her eyes slipped shut.

\---

“How is she doing?”

“She’s okay. She’s still sleeping right now,” Lisa said looking over her shoulder as Jennie slept, her chest moving up and down slowly as the heart monitor acted as background noise in the room. 

“Your father is just getting dressed. We should be there in a little bit. Do you want me to bring anything?” Lisa’s mother said in Thai. 

“No that’s alright. It may take a while though before she has to push, so don’t rush. Do you have the directions to the hospital that I sent you? Make sure you give them to the cab driver.”

“I will, I will. I’m going to take a shower and be down there soon, okay?”

“Okay, I love you.”

“I love you too.” 

Lisa hung up after, slipping her phone into her back pocket and taking a deep breath as she walked back over to the chair and sat back down. When she rubbed the skin at Jennie’s wrist, it felt cold and she pulled the blankets tighter around her before taking her hand and weaving their fingers together. She tried to watch the TV but could only keep herself awake for so long, feeling her eyes grow heavy until she could no longer stay awake.

\---

When Lisa woke up it was 4:47 and Jennie was sitting up, laughing at something Lisa’s mom was telling her as her stepdad was fixing the pillows behind her. She rubbed the sleep from her eyes and quickly sat up, catching the attention of everyone in the room and blushing as she stood up. 

“Oh, why didn’t you guys wake me up earlier?” 

“You looked like you needed the sleep,” her dad chuckled and her mom laughed as Jennie starred at her amused. 

“You okay?”

“Yeah, it’s only a little bit painful. The obstetrician already came in, she wants to wait a little longer before we start just to be sure.”

Lisa stroked the side of her face, leaning down to kiss her softly noting that her lips tasted like cherry before she pulled back. 

Her mom was rubbing Jennie’s feet that had swollen considerably since she had last taken a look at them. Jennie would moan softly whenever she would push at a particular spot on her foot and her mom would keep kneading that area before alternating to the other foot. 

“I’m going down to the cafeteria to get something for your mom and I. Do you want something Lisa?”

“No, I’m okay. Thanks, dad.”

He smiled, patting Jennie’s hand and rubbing her mom’s shoulder before leaving the room quietly. 

For a while, they sat around just talking, watching the news, reading the magazines that were stacked on the shelf, and waiting for the baby. At around five thirty, Jennie eventually began sweating more, complaining that the pain was unbearable to sit through any longer. She was clutching Lisa’s hand tightly, her fingernails digging into the back of her hand as Lisa winced but otherwise didn’t pull away. 

Lisa's mom alerted their obstetrician and Dr. Sun checked Jennie, noting that she was dilated far enough to begin pushing and at that moment, Lisa felt like all the blood in her body had begun rushing in her ears. She felt scared but she pushed that down as her parents left the room and she was ordered to change into scrubs and put a mask over her face. A few other nurses made their way into the room, pushing in a tray of medical tools, baby blankets, and equipment that would be needed just in case anything went wrong. Lisa refused to believe that anything would. 

As the obstetrician pulled her sleeves up, the nurses on either side of the bed, spread Jennie’s legs and propped them up on the side as Lisa took her place at her side and helped prop her like the other nurse instructed. 

“Jennie-” she choked out. 

The older girl glanced up at her and Lisa forced herself to smile back, trying to internally calm herself down as Jennie grinned back before gasping sharply as she felt a wave of pain in her lower region. Lisa tightened her hand around the other girl's, blinking back tears as the obstetrician told her to take a deep breath and push. 

Everything happened so fast. 

Lisa tried to focus on Jennie, she tried to be a comforting presence at her side but it was hard when she would start screaming and Lisa would look down to see blood pooling at the end of the sheet. Jennie would take deep breaths, pausing between a push to cry out and Lisa hated it. She hated it so much that she bit her lip, drawing blood but unable to care as she blinked the moisture away from her own eyes and whispered encouraging words in her ear. 

“You can do this,” she murmured. “Please, you can do this. She wants to meet you, okay? You can do this.”

“I can’t do this,” she cried. 

She was sweating profusely, the nurse on the other side pressing a washcloth to her forehead before encouraging her to push again. Jennie would tuck her chin toward her chest and push down hard, clenching her teeth together as she would shake slightly before the obstetrician would tell her to stop and take a break. 

Lisa leaned down and kissed her cheek, her own hand shaking as her grip tightened and when she pushed again, a fresh round of tears started as Jennie felt a sharp pain shoot down her spine that had the doctor looking up quickly. 

“Her head's almost out! Keep pushing Jennie, you can do this!”

Lisa moved her head to try to see, but Jennie was tugging her back with the grip that she had on her, screaming as she pushed down and the nurse rubbed her hand. 

“Keep going! Keep going!”

“You’re almost there!”

“Almost there, Jennie!”

The older girl gave one final push, crying out at the same time Lisa saw a tiny little body slip out of her, its cries piercing through the room and causing everything to slow down around her. 

Lisa could barely see anyone else as her eyes filled with tears. Dr. Sun held the baby up for Jennie to see, the older girl falling back against the pillows and bursting into tears, happy tears and tears of relief as the baby continued to cry until she set her down on Jennie’s chest. 

The baby wiggled slightly, covered in fluid and blood, unaware of her surroundings outside of Jennie’s safe and warm belly, so she continued to cry until Jennie cradled her gently in her arms and leaned down to kiss the top of her head. 

Their daughter, their beautiful daughter. 

When the nurse handed Lisa the scissors, she cut the placenta, unable to stop herself from crying as Jennie turned to face her and angled her lips up for a kiss. Both of them could feel the other shaking, their lips unable to exactly kiss properly and Lisa didn’t blame her since she could taste the salt from both of their tears on her lips.  
When she pulled back, the doctor took the baby from Jennie, handing her to a nurse so they could clean her and check for any problems or complications. The doctor also cleaned Jennie, making sure that she was okay and changing the sheets and her clothing before changing her IV bag. 

They weighed the baby, taking her height and clipping a wristband on her before swaddling the little body in a patterned powder pink blanket and handing her back to Jennie. 

“She’s perfect,” Lisa whispered softly. 

She still hadn’t touched her, too afraid that she would make her cry or hurt her, so she kept her hands at her side and sniffled as Jennie shifted her closer to kiss her forehead. She made a soft noise, her nose wrinkling in acknowledgment, as Lisa chuckled and touched Jennie’s shoulder. 

“Are you okay?”

It was a stupid question to ask in hindsight, but she meant so many things by that. When she swallowed, Jennie, unable to take her eyes off of their daughter, sighed and shook her head. “I don’t know,” she said softly. “I feel tired but I don’t at the same time. She’s so beautiful, even though it was hard, it was worth it. Everything was worth it,” she sighed. 

Lisa wiped her eyes, nodding, even though the other girl couldn’t see her and kissed her temple. Although she wouldn’t want to see Jennie go through that amount of pain ever again, she had to agree that it was worth it too. That seeing their daughter right now in her arms was absolutely worth everything. She would never be able to thank Jennie enough, not for all the times they tried, not for carrying her, not for giving birth to her either. 

“You want to hold her?” Jennie asked softly. 

Lisa froze, pulling back slightly as Jennie looked up at her, her eyes warm and sure. She opened her mouth to say something but she couldn’t- she didn’t know how to reject her, couldn’t fathom telling her how afraid she was to do such a thing. 

“It’s okay,” she said slowly and shifted the small bundle in her arms. “You can do it, don’t be afraid. I trust you, you’re her mommy too.”

Lisa’s hands shook, her heart pounding in her chest as she took a hesitant step forward, clenching and unclenching her fists until she felt like she might pass out. 

“I don’t- I don’t know...what if I- what if someth-”

“Nothing will,” she shook her head. “It’s alright, come over here and hold her. Feel what I feel, please?”

Lisa sighed, pushing her fears down as she held her arms out, watching as Jennie gently shifted her until she was able to lay the baby in her hold. The tiny human just wrinkled her nose again, her little mouth moving as she tried to get comfortable and Lisa fought to make her embrace more comfortable for her.  
She was so light that Lisa found herself even more afraid so she tightened her arms, unconsciously and had to look up when Jennie chuckled. 

“You look like a natural,” she teased. 

“Shut up.”

Lisa looked down at their daughter, noting how tan her skin was, the same shade as Jennie and the lips and the eyebrows that matched hers as well. She looked so much like Jennie it made her smile, moving one of her hands to touch her little fist, the skin warm and smooth to the touch. 

When she leaned down to kiss her head, the baby squirmed, making another noise and Jennie sighed happily at the both of them. Lisa felt like on some level she understood now, understood what all those magazines and books Jennie made her read, were about. It was like staring at something bigger than herself, bigger than the world and in one instant, she felt a strong urge to hold her close, to never let anyone or anything hurt ever. 

That thought, that thought so powerful, so fresh and raw, caused her to tear up and she tried not to cry again as she felt the baby’s little heartbeat underneath her fingertips as she held her wrist. When she handed her back to Jennie, the older girl stroked her cheek, whispering _Hanna_ so softly that Lisa thought she had misheard her until the baby opened her eyes and _oh._

__

_Oh_

. 

They were so wide and so brown, the same chocolate shade as her own; those were her eyes, full of wonder as she stared back at Jennie and stretched her tiny little fingers. 

“It’s mama,” the older girl whispered, and through a watery smile, brought her fist up to her lips to kiss the skin. “It’s mama,” she said again.

\---

Jennie and Hanna had both fallen asleep by the time one of the nurses came to move her to a separate room. The nurse moved Hanna to a small bassinet next to the bed, checking her temperature before whispering _congratulations_ and letting Lisa know that it was okay for visitors to come in now.  
Her mother and her dad, followed by Jennie’s best friend, Jisoo and Lisa’s friend, Chaeyoung had also come. They took turns admiring the little girl as she slept, touching her hands or leaning down to kiss her forehead and Lisa watched them, split between being happy and worried. Worried that the smallest things would cause her harm and when she let her mom know, the woman only chuckled before rubbing Lisa’s arm. 

“She’s okay,” she nodded her head. “She’s okay.”

Jisoo had set down her gift bag on the chair, moving over to the bed to wipe Jennie’s forehead with a washcloth and do the same to her neck. After that she sat down and gave a thumbs up to Lisa, mouthing _‘congratulations’_ as she nodded back at her. 

“She’s so cute,” Chaeyoung smiled, clutching Lisa’s arm as she stared at Hanna. “Like a little meatloaf.”

“Did you just compare my daughter to ground beef?”

“You know what I mean!” she frowned slapping Lisa’s arm. The younger girl laughed, pushing her slightly before she took her phone out and moved over to her daughter to snap a picture. 

She opened Jennie’s Instagram, uploading the picture with a small caption saying: Welcome to the world HM

\---

At Jennie’s request, Lisa turned the camera on and recorded her as the older girl held Hanna in her arms, rocking her gently as the baby looked around the room. Lisa rubbed her sock-clad feet, smiling when her legs would scrunch up before Jennie laughed and kissed her again. 

“This is Hanna guys,” she said to the camera. “Hanna say hi~” Jennie moved her fist slightly and Lisa snorted looking over the camera to whisper, “you think she would be more ecstatic for her YouTube debut.”

“Shut up,” Jennie giggled. “She's just camera shy.” 

Lisa snickers, putting the camera down as the older girl's phone buzzed from inside her bag. She crossed the room, pulling it out of the front pocket to see a text message from Kim Haneul.

“Who is it?” Jennie asks.

“It's your mom,” Lisa says. “She wants to know if they're allowed to see the baby.”

She tongues the inside of her cheek, shifting the phone in her hand as Jennie stared back at her. Their relationship, speaking nicely, was decent at best. Her mother had come around slowly at the beginning of Jennie’s pregnancy, reaching out to her, checking on her, and suggesting things that she should do. It had somewhat gotten better after a dinner that Jennie’s father arranged for the four of them to meet one another.  
Although tense, Lisa could see it in Jennie's eyes how much she missed her parents but also how much she needed them to accept her relationship and where it was headed.  
They talked more now, sometimes on the phone for hours but Lisa still felt unsure, that somewhere underneath there was resentment, maybe guilt, but more so regret. 

“Do you want them to come to see her?” Jennie asked her quietly. 

“I want whatever you want,” Lisa said and she did. 

Their initial rejection, although it still hurt for Lisa to think about how it affected Jennie, knew that it meant something her parents had contacted her and she also knew that deep down Jennie wanted her parents to be a part of her daughter’s life. 

Jennie looked down at Hanna, adjusting the blanket around her body before she took a deep breath and nodded. “You can tell them yes and let them know the room number too, please.”

“Okay.”

Lisa sent a quick text to Jennie’s mom, giving her all the information that she would need before putting her phone in the pocket and going back to her chair next to the bed. Hanna had started whining at that point, squirming in Jennie’s hold as she tried to calm her down before taking a look at the clock.

“The nurse said that we would need to feed her soon.” 

“Right now? You want to try to breastfeed her?” 

She nodded, moving Hanna away so Lisa could pull the front of her hospital gown down. After bringing her closer, Jennie urged Hanna to latch on, wincing slightly as Hanna began suckling at her breast, her little fist coming up to curl against her chest.

“Oh my god,” Jennie laughed looking at Lisa, “this feels so weird.” 

Lisa stared wide-eyed at their daughter, quickly moving to take her phone and snap another picture before Jennie snorted and posed in the second shot with a V sign. 

“Does it hurt?” She asked.

“Not really,” Jennie shook her head, adjusting Hanna slightly as she kept nursing. “It kind of...it kind of feels like when you do it except there's something coming out now.” 

“Jennie!” She choked. “Don't say it like that!” She whined. 

“It's true though,” Jennie smiled. “Except this one doesn't bite.” She said looking down at Hanna. 

Lisa wheezed, throwing herself down in the chair and covering her face with her hands as the older girl laughed. This was so embarrassing, not to mention highly inappropriate, granted she knew Hanna couldn't understand a thing they were saying, but still! Just thinking about that wasn't even appropriate because who knows how long it would be before Jennie could have sex again and the last thing Lisa needed on her mind was a visual representation of that. 

“Fuck you.” She mumbled. 

“Not until the doctor gives the okay,” Jennie snickered.

Lisa slumped down in the chair, kicking her legs as her wife smiled widely and went back to staring at their daughter. By the time Jennie had finished feeding her, Lisa was putting a towel on her shoulder and watched as Jennie patted her back gently until she let out a small burp.

A little bit later, while Lisa is holding Hanna in the chair, the door to their room opens and Jennie tries to sit as both of her parents slowly walk in. Her mother looks around the room until she makes eye contact with Jennie and immediately her eyes fill with tears as she crosses the room to hug her daughter in the bed. Lisa, who’s too stunned to get out of the chair or say anything, looks down at Hanna and instinctively pulls her closer to her chest. Jennie’s father stands awkwardly by the TV like he’s unsure if he should be here or not and whether he’s allowed to say anything. Lisa tries to focus on staring at her daughter but she ultimately fails, looking up as Mrs. Kim holds Jennie’s face in her hands and presses a kiss to her forehead. 

“I’m so sorry,” she breathes, pulling back to wipe her eyes. She rubs her daughter's shoulder and turns around until she makes eye contact with Lisa, the younger girl panicking. 

“Um…”

“No, no, no,” she says shaking her head. “You both have been through a lot today. Thank you so much, Lisa, for taking care of my daughter and the baby.”

Lisa just nods, unable to really say anything and looks around her to Jennie, the older girl shrugging her shoulders and mouthing, _‘just go with it.’_

“Is it-” she pauses, “Is it okay if I hold her?” she looks back and forth between Jennie and Lisa and her wife saves her by nodding her head softly. 

“Yeah, go ahead mom, but be careful.”

Jennie says it like her mom’s never held a baby before, as if she’s never held _her_ before and it makes something unfurl inside of Lisa’s chest. Something like pride that she would already be so fiercely protective of Hanna’s safety around her own parents. 

“Of course,” she nods quickly. When Lisa hands Hanna over, the little baby squirms, whining in protest at being in an unfamiliar embrace, but she settles down quickly when Mrs. Kim starts humming a Korean song that Lisa doesn’t recognize underneath her breath. She walks over to her husband, who still hasn’t moved from his spot next to the TV to show him their granddaughter. 

Lisa stands up, joining Jennie at her bedside to lace their fingers together and brings their hands up to kiss the ring on her finger. It’s almost like the older girl knows what she’s thinking as she smiles back and pouts her lips, asking for a real kiss. Lisa leans down, planting her hands down on either side of her to kiss her softly, tasting the strawberry milk from earlier that Jennie had. 

When she pulls back, Jennie strokes her cheek softly and yawns again, although she tries to cover it up with a cough. “You would be a really bad actress, you know?”

“Shut up” she pouts. 

“Take a nap, you’ve worked hard,” Lisa snickered kissing her once again just because she could. 

“My parents,” she whispered. “I don’t- I don’t want to leave you alone with them or with the baby-”

“Shh,” Lisa said rubbing her arm. “It’s alright. Just sleep, I know you’re tired and it’s okay. I won’t let the big bad grandparents hurt us,” she joked, laughing when Jennie slapped her arm. 

“You’re so annoying,” she groaned. 

“You’re so beautiful,” Lisa said kissing her on the mouth as Jennie tried hard not to smile. “I’ll wake you up if something happens or if she gets hungry again.”

Jennie nodded, looking past Lisa with a small smile on her face before her eyes slipped closed and she fell asleep. Without her wife awake, Lisa shuffled awkwardly at her bedside, only turning around when Jennie’s mother walked back over to her, offering Hanna to her. 

“Thank you,” she says, her eyes wet with tears and red, and Lisa, although unable to handle her emotions, takes her daughter and nods her head. 

“You’re welcome.”

When she looks over at Mr. Kim, he nods his head at her as well before lifting up a small bag that Lisa hadn’t even noticed before with wrapping paper spilling over the top. “We wanted to drop this off too. We hope you like it.”

He sets it down next to the other small bags, smiling gratefully before bowing his head and taking his wife’s hand so they can leave the room. It isn’t until the door shuts that Lisa realizes she’s been holding her breath, her hands secure around Hanna as she sits back down and cradles her daughter close. 

“Baby steps,” she whispers. “Baby steps.”

\---

Jennie flips her hair over her shoulder, getting comfortable on the couch as she lifts Hanna up, her daughter blinking her big eyes open, as her lips curl into a small smile. 

“Are you happy?” Jennie giggles. “You should be, your mommy just changed you,” Jennie says as she leans down to kiss the tip of her nose. 

Hanna rubs her fists against her face, letting out a cute noise as Jennie brings her closer to her chest and shrugs off the side of her top. When Hanna latches on, she blinks up at Jennie, waving one of her hands in the air as Jennie grabs it and kisses her small fingers. 

“Oh my god.”

Lisa strolls into the living room, pulling her hair into a high ponytail as she walks over to the couch. She’s dressed in a white t-shirt and a pair of grey ratty sweats, the soap that she always uses permeating the air when she leans over to kiss Jennie’s cheek. 

“Tell her to move over so we can share.”

“Shut up” Jennie snorted, elbowing her in her side as the younger girl giggled and grabbed a hold of her elbow. 

“Don’t tell me you weren’t thinking it.”

“I wasn’t.”

“You seriously weren’t?”

“No.”

“Not even a little bit?” Lisa frowned. 

“Not even a little bit,” Jennie shook her head. 

Lisa grumbles, hiding her face in the older girl’s neck before her phone buzzes in the pocket of her sweatpants. She fishes it out quickly, swiping the screen open to see a text message from Mr. Kim and her eyebrows furrow as she shows the message to Jennie. 

“It’s your dad. He wants to know if he can see you before they fly back to Korea tomorrow.”

Jennie bites her bottom lip, adjusting her hold on Hanna as she reads the message to herself and then re-reads it a second time before sighing. It’s not that she doesn’t want to see her parents but honestly, things are still very much awkward between the four of them, less so because of her mother’s constant contact with her, but still uncertain with her father. 

“What do you think I should do?”

“Whatever you want to do,” Lisa shrugs, turning her phone back around to read the message. “I know it’s been pretty weird lately having your parents suddenly reintegrate themselves into your life when they’ve been gone for such a long time but I saw how happy you were when they came and when you got to see them holding Hanna,” she smiles and lightly touches the bottom of her baby's feet. 

“They’re trying, I can see it and you can too. We can give them that at least. What happened in the past- hurt, it hurt you a lot and I won’t say I forgive them if you don’t either but with this one now,” she motions to Hanna, “maybe they can finally learn how to do things the right way not just for us but for them too.” 

“I just don’t want to be hurt again, not for me, but for you and Hanna. This is my family now, a family that we created.”

“We won’t let them,” Lisa shakes her head, scooting closer to rub at the skin on her hip. “I won’t let them. I just want you to be happy and I know you having your parents involved will help.”

“ _You_ make me happy,” she insists and Lisa can’t help but leaning forward to press a kiss against the edge of her mouth. 

“You make me happy too, both of you.”

Jennie shakes her head with a blush, looking down at Hanna, whose dozed off now, with milk around her mouth as her hand twitches. Jennie hands her to Lisa to burp her while she cleans herself off with a wet wipe and turns around on the couch to face the younger girl. 

“You should tell them it’s okay then.”

“You sure?”

“I’m sure,” she nods and takes a deep breath, “I just need your help with one thing.”

Lisa rubs Hanna’s back, lightly patting her in order to get her to burp as she raises an eyebrow. “What?”

“Where are those t-shirt’s we made for Pride last year? You know the one with you putting your tongue down my throat? I want to wear it,” she says and when Lisa’s eyes widen in shock, the older girl smirks as she slips off the couch.

\---

Jennie hates to admit it but she’s nervous. 

Lisa had told her that her parents would be here in fifteen minutes and between then and now as she stood in the middle of the kitchen, she had wiped the same spot on the counter ten times already. 

She shouldn’t be nervous, she had no reason to be nervous. She just couldn’t help it though. 

A week ago when her parents had come to see her at the hospital it was different. Although she had consistently been in contact with her mother, her father had only been discussed in conversation and it was even rarer to engage in conversation with him, simply because Jennie refused. She likes to blame it on the medication for allowing her parents to come and see Hanna, but deep down she knows it’s because of what Lisa told her earlier, that having her parents involved, as awkward as it may be, made her happy. That hospital visit was simple because it was short. Having them inside her home was different because it would be the first time her parents had ever seen her life. The life that she had created with Lisa in their two bedroom flat in Seattle. It would be the first time that they would see the cheesy photos of them framed along the wall, Lisa’s equipment that was crammed into a corner of the living room, the bookshelf full of Murakami novels and Thai comics that they liked to read every now and then.  
They would see the baby wipes on the coffee table, the Dora the Explorer pacifier that Lisa had embarrassingly haggled for a lower price at the market, the blankets spread out on the floor and the swing that Hanna fell asleep in that took Lisa almost an hour to put together before Jennie had to take over. 

This was _her_ life, the life that her parents had never seen- the life that they had rejected for her but that she had built nonetheless. It felt like showing someone the most secretive and intimate parts of your life and holding your breath so they didn’t ridicule you for it. She was afraid to let them see her for who she was, she was afraid that this was too much too soon and that things would crash again. 

If they crashed that meant it would burn and if it did, it would be gone forever. 

She could hear Lisa singing along to a song as the younger girl walked out of the flat, taking the trash with her to dump it out. Most of her nervousness could be attributed to having Lisa face her parents. Their rocky relationship had been the catalyst for the strain between Jennie and her parents, refusing to subject the girl that she was in love with to people that hadn’t cared for her. 

Yes, she did want her mom and dad in Hanna’s life and yes, it would be nice to develop a more cordial relationship with them but Jennie knew that she was doing this because ultimately she wanted them to apologize to Lisa. She wanted them to acknowledge that the way they treated her, the way they talked about her to Jennie’s face, the lack of respect and the disregard that they had shown her at the beginning of their relationship was a mistake. 

When the younger girl came back in, her eyes were wide and Jennie felt herself take a deep breath before she had even spoken. “I think I saw your parents get out of a cab outside. Quick, hide the sex tapes!” she hissed running into the kitchen. 

Jennie let out the breath she had been holding, laughing in surprise before holding up her hand, threatening to hit Lisa. “I hate you so damn much!”

The younger girl grabbed her around the waist, careful of holding her too tightly before leaning down to press a kiss to the top of her lip and smiling, “you don’t hate me.”

“I could,” she mumbled sighing as Lisa kissed her softly. 

“Could you?” she whispered, pressing her lips against her own. 

The thing about Lisa is that she was good at distractions, good at leading people off into a variety of topics and away from their original talking point. She was doing it now and it almost worked until they both jumped as someone buzzed at their front door.

When Jennie tightened her hold on the back of Lisa’s shirt, the younger girl stroked her arms before pulling back and smiling in reassurance. “Come on. Everything’s going to be okay.”

Okay was such a relatively vague word. Okay as in after this things would go back to normal; normal being weekly phone calls between her mom and the occasional picture so she would know she was still alive? Or okay as in both of her parents would make an effort to be more a part of their lives, to show that they cared for Lisa- to show that they weren’t willing to make the same mistakes with Hanna?

Jennie didn’t know if Lisa understood that. 

She watched the younger girl get the door as she tried not to fidget from where she stood in the living room. When her parents stepped inside, Lisa did a full ninety-degree bow before leading them inside and even if she had seen them just a week ago, it was hard for her to not still grow rigid when she saw both of them. 

They exchanged greetings and her mom, rubbed her hands together, almost as if she was nervous too before catching Jennie’s gaze and breaking into a small smile. Jennie thought she had smiled back too but wasn’t sure. Her father slipped his shoes off, placing his and his wife’s on the rack beside the door as Lisa pointed them over to the couch. 

“Hanna’s down for her nap right now,” the blonde girl said before coming to join Jennie at her side. “She usually wakes up at around two, so sorry about that.” 

“It’s okay,” Haneul says, shaking her head as she glances at her husband and takes his hand. 

When Lisa touches her hip, Jennie makes a noise and clears her throat awkwardly. “Do you want something to drink? I could make some tea or get you some water or if you’re hungry-”

“That’s okay,” Haneul smiled. “We had lunch before coming over here. Thank you though.”

Lisa pulled her to sit down, both of them taking their place on the couch as the younger girl put her arm behind to touch her shoulder. For the first few minutes, neither of them said anything to each other and Jennie could feel her heart start to pound erratically before her father stood up to look around the flat. 

“You have a beautiful place,” he murmured. 

He walked over to the bookshelf, thumbing through the titles that had been haphazardly shoved next to one another before looking up at the wall. 

“Jennie did most of the decorating after I tried to bring a table up to our unit from the flea market,” Lisa laughed. 

“That sounds like my Jennie,” Haneul snickers and the older girl looks up at her mom, a simple look passing between them before she clears her throat again. 

“Have you liked living in Seattle?” her mother suddenly asks. Her eyebrows are slightly furrowed and Jennie knows this look because that means that she’s concerned, it means that she’s worried. She doesn’t know how that thought sits in her head. 

“I love it here,” Jennie nods glancing at Lisa. “The weather is one of the best parts but there’s also a lot of things to do and Lisa’s ability to connect with more artists and push her own work out is another plus. I like being able to come home here after a long shoot or a modeling assignment overseas.”

“It’s a good place for kids too,” Lisa adds. 

“Are you planning to raise more kids here?” Taewoo asks, turning around to put his hands in his pockets. 

“That's the plan!” Lisa nodded, smiling widely before she realized what her father-in-law had asked her, and immediately flushed red, trying to backpedal. “I-I mean, I- we, whatever Jennie wants honestly. It could be just Hanna or maybe a sibling, who knows right? Oh god,” she coughed. “I’m just going to stop talking now, I am so sorry,” she frowned down at her lap. 

Everyone started laughing with Taewoo chuckling to himself and Lisa whined, trying to hide her face in Jennie’s neck but the older girl squirmed away, giggling at her in amusement and somewhat pity. 

“You both look so happy,” Haneul suddenly said. 

Jennie turned to her mom and Lisa, still a little bit embarrassed, grumbled but with a nod of her head. 

“Even with a newborn baby now and although it’s the first time for both of you, I’m glad you two seem okay,” she smiled warmly. 

Lisa squeezed Jennie’s shoulder and pulled her closer, feeling the comforting weight of her body pressed against her own. “Sometimes it is hard,” the younger girl shrugged. “We have a tiny little human that relies on us for everything but we’re doing the best that we can and honestly, I feel like we’ve done a good job so far.”  
Jennie was just about to respond to her when a sharp cry sounded through the baby monitor, startling the four of them and causing Jennie to flush as she stood up from the couch.

“Sorry, uh...we’ll be back, sorry,” she muttered pulling Lisa behind her.

Once inside the nursery, Lisa immediately went to pick up Hanna, rubbing her back and softly swaying from side-to-side as Jennie stepped closer and flinched back once she caught onto the smell. 

“Oh my god,” she said covering her nose. “That’s all you.”

“What?!” Lisa hissed. “Why? I’m seriously developing PTSD every time I go to change her,” she whined. “Her diaper shouldn’t look like that at only a week old.”

As Hanna continued to cry, Jennie rolled her eyes, nudging her towards the changing table as Lisa sighed loudly and begrudgingly laid her down with a frown. “Can you at least get a clothespin? So I don’t smell anything?”

“No!” she laughed, slapping Lisa’s shoulder and stepped back as she began changing her diaper. 

The smell really was awful and Lisa gagged at least twice before she successfully fastened a fresh diaper on her and buttoned the bottom of her onesie back up. When she picked her up, Hanna wasn’t crying anymore but she fussed in Lisa’s arms until Jennie took her, grinning at the younger girl as she rolled her eyes. 

“I sacrifice my nasal passages for her and she rejects me,” Lisa groans. 

Jennie pulled her close as Hanna snuggled close to her chest, waving her fists in the air as she made small noises every time the older girl looked down at her. As they walked back into the living room, Taewoo was sitting back on the couch next to her mother, and both of them looked up as Jennie paused in the entryway. 

Lisa ran into her back softly, gripping her shoulders and cursed quietly underneath her breath as Jennie looked at her parents. “Um...do you- do you guys want to hold her?”

Taewoo looked surprised and he glanced at his wife quickly before she nodded. “Yes, please,” she murmured for the both of them.

\---

“I put these mittens on her so she doesn’t scratch herself. She had red marks on her face a few nights ago before we figured out why.” Jennie said as she hovered around her mom. 

“Just like you.” Haneul chuckled. “You had such long fingernails. I had to clip them constantly or put socks on your hands.” 

Taewoo peered around the blanket, stroking her pink cheek with the tip of his finger as she blinked her eyes up at him curiously. “She even has Lisa's eyes,” he said softly.

“I know,” Jennie murmured. She wrung her fingers nervously, glancing down at Hanna as her mom also smiled down at her. 

“I need to talk to you and Lisa.”

At first, Jennie doesn’t hear her father, too busy making sure that Hanna is comfortable and her mom isn’t holding her too tight, so when he clears his throat, she looks up confused for a moment before flushing red. 

“I’m sorry, what?”

“I said,” he chuckled. “That I want to talk to you and Lisa.”

__

_No._

That’s the first thing that Jennie wants to tell him. That’s the first word that grazes the edge of her lips but refuses to come out. She bites her bottom lip almost on instinct, hesitant to hear whatever he has to say even after all this time. Even after she’s let him see her daughter, even after she’s let him into her home, and even after her mother has told her countless times that he’s ready to make amends. 

Her hesitation must be clearly felt both ways because her mother looks up with solemn eyes, glancing at both of them before whispering, _please_ , to her daughter. 

“Alright, um...I’ll-I’ll go-” she stutters. “I’ll go get her. I’ll be right back.”

As if she’s on autopilot, Jennie walks right into the bathroom, pushing the door open at the sound of the toilet flushing as Lisa washes her hands. The younger girl jumps, splashing herself with water as she levels a glare at Jennie. “Seriously? This is my favorite t-shirt,” she whines. 

“Every Captain America t-shirt is your favorite t-shirt,” Jennie rolls her eyes. “But I need you to come here-come with me, my dad wants to talk to both of us.”

“Foreal? Why?”

“I don’t know. Well, I mean, I probably know but it could be to apologize, I think.”

Lisa wipes her hands on her pants, turning off the light and closing the door behind herself as she takes Jennie’s hand, tugging her close when the older girl tries to wiggle out of her grip. “Do you want to talk to him?”

No. 

She wants to tell her that exactly. That no she doesn’t want to but it seems unfair to do that. Not only for herself but for Hanna and Lisa. As much as she wants to hold onto that part inside of herself that wants to be upset and that wants to push him further away from her little family; she knows that she can’t do that. That she wouldn’t be able to live with herself if their relationship was damaged irrevocably. 

“Yeah, do you?”

“As long as he understands that what we have and what we’re doing is real- then I’m okay with that. I don’t want anymore second-guessing,” she says squeezing Jennie’s hand. “I want him 100% in or I don’t want him at all.”

When they round the corner into the living room, Jennie can’t get that out of her head and as she stares back at her father- at both of her parents, she knows that she feels the same way too. 

The older girl pulls Lisa over to the couch, sitting down beside her and clutching her elbow as Haneul places Hanna in her bassinet since she’s fallen back asleep. No one says anything and the longer the four of them stare at each other in silence, the more uncomfortable the air seems to grow until Lisa clears her throat and rubs her palms against her jeans. 

“Uh-” she says. “You wanted to talk to us?”

Haneul nudges her husband, urging him to speak and Jennie watches her dad rub the back of his neck sheepishly before sighing. “I-yes, I wanted to originally talk the day we went to see Hanna but I didn’t think it was the right time.”

“Was there ever really a right time?”

Jennie doesn’t even realize that she’s the one asking that until Lisa squeezes her thigh and her father sighs again, looking down at his lap before picking his head up.  
“I suppose, no. Our relationship, or _lack thereof,_ really” he shrugs, “is because of my carelessness towards you and your wife. When you told your mother and me about your relationship with her, I was upset and I was angry because I couldn’t understand why. I looked at my daughter, my only daughter and I didn’t understand how she could love another woman.”

Jennie bites her bottom lip, trying not to interject again so her dad can say what he’s apparently been meaning to tell her, but it’s so hard.

“I was so mad at you,” he says and frowns with a faraway look in his eyes. “I was mad because I saw your whole life ending right before my eyes. I was ashamed of who you said you were and I pushed you away because I didn’t want to accept it-I didn’t know how to accept it.”

Jennie tongues the inside of her cheek, her fingers squeezing Lisa’s elbow even though the younger girl says nothing. She thinks of the first time she came out to her parents, when she was shaking, scared to tell them what had stressed her out for weeks- what was making her lose sleep. She remembered their faces, she remembered their reactions as if it had happened yesterday instead of nearly a decade ago. Their rejection and their refusal to understand what she had told them that night had changed their relationship forever. 

“Everything I said,” he waved his hand. “About your relationship not lasting, about you going through a phase, and everything I put you through. The way I looked down at you- at my own daughter. I was wrong to treat you like that, both of you like that,” he says sparing a glance at Lisa. 

“You had every reason to push me away and you had every reason to stop talking to me. After your mom started talking to you again, I could see how sad she was. At what I had done to both of you and what I had put our family through. I missed so much of your life that was so important because I was ignorant.”

Jennie feels herself come up short of breath, squeezing her eyes closed as she feels the blood rush through her ears. When she presses the heel of her hands against her eyelids, her fingers start shaking and Lisa puts her arm around her shoulder, tucking her into her side. 

“I’m sorry,” he murmurs. “I’m so sorry for everything I said-for everything I said to both of you. For how awful I treated you when all you wanted to be was accepted- when all you needed was someone to tell you that they cared. I should have never made you go on any of those blind dates and I should have taken your relationship and your marriage s-seriously. Please,” he whispers and he sounds like he’s in pain- as if it hurts for him to say it out loud. “Please, I beg you that you forgive me-forgive me for what I’ve put both of you through and please, please let me be a part of what you’ve created.”

It’s like the water that was submerging her floats away, it’s almost like the sand in her mouth and the nails underneath her feet all vanish. It almost feels like Jennie can breathe like she can inhale and exhale and still have her heart intact. She starts crying, the tears slipping through her fingers and shaking her whole body until it feels like her skeleton can no longer hold the weight of her sadness. She always thought that when her parents came around, that when her dad finally came to accept her lifestyle that she would be proud- that she had finally proven to him that there was nothing wrong with what she chose to do. That there was nothing wrong with loving someone with your whole body so much that it hurt, that in any other life she would have always chosen Lisa; but now as she hunches over on the couch, shaking and in tears, all she felt was relief. 

That bone-deep, shivering and frightening relief.

\---

“She already smiles a lot, sometimes when all I do is touch her cheek or if Lisa plays with her,” Jennie says to the camera.

She turns it around, filming Hanna as she lays on her back, blankets piled on both sides of her as she chews on her fist, getting saliva all over the front of her patterned bib. 

Jennie touches her cheek before leaning down to kiss her forehead, her skin smelling like milk and baby powder, a scent that she can’t get enough of. 

“This one was supposed to go down for a nap already but she won’t close her eyes,” Jennie chuckles and lays down beside Hanna, her hair spread out across the sheets as Hanna starts making little noises, blinking down at her. 

“You’re not tired?” Jennie whispers. “You have a clean diaper and a full tummy,” she says, rubbing her small stomach with the palm of her hand.

Hanna makes another noise and Jennie laughs quietly, leaning up to kiss the tip of her nose and laying back down. The room is bathed in the soft light from the bedside lamp, the curtains already were drawn so it’s not too bright. 

“You have to fall asleep before I do or your mommy will panic without my help,” Jennie smiles. 

With one of her hands, Hanna manages to grab ahold of Jennie’s index finger, her grip loose enough for the older girl to wiggle away. “Let’s hope you fall asleep before mommy has to heat up some more soup for me.”

“Like two days ago,” she says to the camera, “we were eating some of my mom’s leftover food and Hanna started hysterically crying, like red face and snot-nosed, I got so scared but all she wanted was to eat. So I sat there spooning seaweed soup into my mouth while this one nursed from me.” 

The front door opens as the security alarm sounds and Jennie moves to place the camera on the nightstand and leans back to wave at the lens. “I have to go, Lisa doesn’t want me vlogging because she thinks it’ll tire me out,” the older girl says rolling her eyes. 

“If you have any tips on helping your baby sleep, make sure to leave them down below. Until next time don’t forget to like, subscribe, and comment on my video. Bye guys!” she whispers before leaning over to turn it off. 

 

“Yah!” Lisa hisses, snapping her fingers as she makes her way into the bedroom. “Is that your Sony?! Are you seriously vlogging?!”

“No!” Jennie laughs. “I swear, I was cleaning off the lens.”

“Cleaning off the lens, my ass!”

**Author's Note:**

> I'll be doing flashbacks every so often in later fics so stay tuned for that.


End file.
